When I was 13 it became known that my mom cheated on my dad and I was the result. My older brother and sister were my dad’s, but I wasn’t. My parents went through an adjusting period and decided to work things out, and my father didn’t want me around anymore. That was his condition to forgive my mom.
My mom being the SAHM that she was all her life I think she just saw no way but to accept. They decided to send me to boarding school. At that time my grandmother (mom’s mom) agreed to take me in instead so I went to live with her.
My brother and sister never visited me or talked to me after that. I tried as I missed them but they turned me down. Telling me that I’m not part of their family. My mom kept visiting me about once a month but those slowly were reduced. Last I saw or heard from her was over six months ago.
My grandmother took good care of me though. When I was 14, I was feeling completely abandoned and very lonely so I decided to find out more about my biological father.
My mom refused to give me any information but my grandmother told me who he is. Apparently she had suspected all those years ago that my mom was having an affair with her boss. He was the son of the owner of the company my mom worked for and my mom was his assistant.
I went to him, told him who my mom is and said that I might be his daughter. He did a DNA test and it was positive and he took me and introduced me to his wife. They accepted me immediately and treated me really well. At that time he had two sons (2 and 3 years old). They introduced me to the extended family too and they all accepted me and welcomed me into the family. I was surprised about how well they were treating me, I expected things to be a lot messier. They even gave money to my grandmother so she has all she needs when I lived with her.
So in the next few years I became closer to them. My biological father (who I started calling dad) always wanted me around. My half-brothers just grew up to know me as their big sister so to them I’m just the big sister. My step mother is wonderful. Early on she sat me down and told me that I’m her husband’s daughter that means she will love me like her own child and promised me to never treat me differently than her own sons and she’s been keeping that promise.
They took me with them on their holidays, they even gave me a room at their house with a set of keys and told me that I’m always welcome to live there with them if I want (I live with my grandmother). I never told my mom about any of it. I asked my grandmother to not tell her either. She agreed as she was pretty upset about how she treated me.
Three weeks ago it was my 18th birthday. My dad and step-mother had thrown a party for me and it was very nice. However all day I waited for my mom to call me, and she didn’t. Late at night after the party I was in my room at their house and hoping that my mom would still call. She didn’t.
When midnight passed and the day was officially over I started crying. My step mother heard me and came to my room, gave me a hug and tried to comfort me. We talked for a long time. I ended up falling asleep in her arms. When I woke up she was still there, awake and holding me in her arms. At that time I asked if it’s OK to call her mom from now.
She was surprised, then tears came, then she said she wants nothing more in her life. So we cried a little with each other and then we were excited to tell the rest of the family who all loved it.
Two days ago I was with my grandmother and my phone rang, it was my step mother who I had changed in my contacts to “mom” (and changed my mom to her full name). My grandmother saw that and after the phone call was done she asked how’s my mom and I told her that it was my step mother. She became very upset that I was calling her “mom”, told me she’s disappointed and even though my mom hasn’t been a good mother, I’ve crossed the line.
She then called my mom (bio) and was very angry at her for messing things up so much and she told her everything. My mom came over that night and it was like a three-way argument/fight between us. My mom was very angry that I reached out to that family, she told me they’re bad people and doesn’t want me involved with them. I said somethings to her like “they’ve been nicer to me than you ever were”.
We fought for an hour and she left. My grandmother still believed that I crossed a line that I shouldn’t have and I betrayed my mother and her. An hour later, my father (my bio mom’s husband) came and asked to talk to me. He told me that he’s sorry about how he treated me and he thinks he was unfair and selfish to push me away. He said I reminded him of her infidelity and he couldn’t stay if I was around, and he had two children too and he did it for them. I told him that I don’t care.
Those two children abandoned me even though I was still their sister, they were following his lead and I blame him and my mom. He said he had a big fight with my mom about me and she blames him for losing me and he doesn’t think they will stay married unless I tell my mom that I forgive both of them. He told me that if I really want them to divorce and live alone I can do nothing but I can fix things if I try.
I wish I could say I was the bigger person and just get over what they did, but given how they abandoned me after so many years of treating me like my other two siblings, I was both neglected and unloved because they couldn’t get over my biological mom’s infidelity.
I told them that I wasn’t able to forgive them for what they did, and told them that it was ultimately their decision to stay married or have a divorce, and that it was completely unfair of my mother’s husband to make it my choice.
I went to live with my biological dad and my step-mom, who was more of a mother to me than my biological mom ever turned out to be. I have no regrets, but I hope I made the right choice. If my biological mom and my siblings want back into my life, I won’t say no to them, but I shouldn’t feel guilty for what they did.
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